Freshman year, I got my first taste of what it felt like to not be liked because of your race (well, the first one I was aware of at least) when I attended a Baptist church service not too far from campus with an African American lady I had become close to through Campus Kitchen. Before my roommate and I left for church, she said "Dont let them bother you. Dont let anyone get you down, you two are beautiful the way you are and dont let that race stuff get to you." I had never considered that it would be an issue.
We were the only two white people in the entire building that Sunday- the first time I had ever stood out that much. Everyone was very friendly, except for a few older men who shot us glares. At the time, I had wondered why it mattered so much- after all, it was a church. Today, I realize we had imposed on their comfort zone. By entering that church, we made race matter even if it should not have. I was never mad about the experience- I have always been so grateful for it. It is so important to realize that people treat you a certain way because of how they have been treated in the past. The glares were probably a direct result of how other white people have made him feel in the past, and whether we liked it or not, we had invaded a comfort zone. I think it would be great if more white people, especially those that do not believe race matters anymore, would be put into more situations when they are not the norm or unmarked...it really opens your eyes to what is still happening in society.
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I think that is really interesting. I have never has an experience where I was the marked and everyone else was unmarked. It is very interesting to see how the tides can turn. I don't believe that people treat others the way they have been treated however. I think they treat people they way they have been taught to treat people. Through socialization. In a society or group that is unmarked such as the church for that congregation it is safe to assume they too have never had an interaction similar to the one they had when you attended. They never experienced that and they had to learn to adapt and change their perspectives or presupposed ideas that were learned before the interaction occurred.
ReplyDeleteI think that is is a good ideas for people to try to break out of their comfort zones. Whether it is in a proactive way or reactive way. That meaning it is a totally different experience to be the one entering a new comfort zone, which one does not belong to, and to be open to people doing just that. In this case you were being proactive and the congregation was being reactive. It is good to see makedness and unmarkedness from both angles, that way you can see comfort zones at work.
I like your perspective on that a lot. I think I often automatically assume that because I am white, that white people are probably to blame for most racial tension. In the case of my Baptist church experience, I can see how they were being reactive and not necessarily changing perspective. Most people in the church were very, very nice and I got more hugs that day than I think I have ever in a one hour time period! I suppose some people were either stubborn or did not appreciate our presence... but I suppose it is through socialization that they learned to act that way, I had not considered that and it offers a different perspective! I guess I assume things are cause and effect but people do often over react, or as we have seen over and over in class, just chosen to ignore a variety of perspectives. Thanks for your comment!
ReplyDeleteThis post and the comments that followed really got me thinking about something. Do you think it is a possibility that some of these people (the ones who gave you hugs, etc.) who were being incredibly nice were trying to overcompensate? The fact that you described the majority of the church members as being very nice really intrigues me. I am curious as to whether people behave in a manner that seeks to break down certain stereotypes and assumptions. It is not that I doubt these people as being friendly, but the way in which you described them leads me to picture a scenario in which they are being excessively friendly. Sometimes, when I feel that someone has the wrong impression of me, I try to make up for their wrong impression by overtly presenting myself in the way I had hoped they would view me. I wonder if this is a tactic that minorities may use when dealing with the majority. Do you think that these church members wanted to make certain that you would walk away from the experience with a new perspective? One in which they can be viewed as nice, good people?
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, with regards to the more stubborn people, the situation also fits my previous ideas. These people have built a wall that may appear cold to those with whom they interact, but the wall is merely there to prevent any possible hurtful words and/or acts that could result from the stereotypes held by others. These people are reacting to you in such a way that leaves you with the impression that they are not friendly. Additionally, they may inadvertently fulfill possible stereotypes. It’s a vicious cycle.
What do you think? Can being nice and friendly help to break down certain stereotypes and assumptions that individuals hold about groups?
I think everyone is making really good points. It’s important to remember that you cannot change customs and traditions simply through one exposure. Stereotypes, perceptions, and impressions last a long time because they are grounded in history or some other context that has made these perceptions more or less permanent. I think that this is a root factor in racism—you have preconceived notions about someone and it’s going to take a long time to break that belief, if it happens at all.
ReplyDeletePeople build up walls to protect themselves. We all do it and it doesn’t necessarily have to be race related but it does happen. It’s very difficult to break down someone’s walls, especially when, like you guys said, invade their comfort zone.
Since we brought up the Baptist Church experience, I wanted to share mine. My friend and I were visiting her boyfriend this summer in Kentucky. His dad is a Southern Baptist and the church is an all-white church. My friend is very Catholic and was opposed to going to the Baptist Church in the first place. We did anyway. It was perhaps one of the most uncomfortable experiences I have ever had. I should mention that my friend is half-Iraqi and half-Filipino and she’s a very visible minority. The thing is, she has never felt as being marked until our experience in Kentucky. It was almost as if the entire congregation was questioning why she was there and what was she doing with a white boy for a boyfriend? The glares were obvious and even her boyfriend noticed. This was a place in which everyone knew everyone else and there wasn’t as much diversity. But again, it goes to show that there are so many preconceived notions and it’s extremely difficult to change them. All I know is I am never going back there.
About the over compensating... I do not believe people were being overly nice to me for hide any negative feelings. I am sure some were, of course, but we were with probably one of the nicest ladies I have ever met, so I think people were hugging us because they figured if we were with her, we had to be good people. She had also told some of her friends about SLU students who were helping her with meals and spending time with her so I feel the hugs were genuine because they viewed us as kind of taking care of one of their congregation members. The church also had a very welcoming, community feel and I imagine they welcome every new person like that! Which is pretty amazing!
ReplyDeleteAnd Anelga, I also had an experience like that with my friend who is Indian while on a service trip in West Virgina. The area we were in was very poor and secluded, and plastered with Confederate flags, so when we had to go to a church with our mission you can pretty much imagine the scene....This old man actually turned to my friend and asked "What are you!?" He responded "American sir" but the old man kept prying until he answered "My parents are from India." While at the time we were all extremely uncomfortable because we felt he was being really really rude, I suppose he probably legitimately had never seen an Indian person before. Now its kind of funny, but yeah that situation is not one I really want to experience again with him because I can only guess how it made him feel.